Truth is, I've been trying to find out how to do this coping thing. Last month, our Lead Therapist with Easter Seals shared with me the recent research of parenting a child on the autism spectrum and the likelihood of developing symptoms that are similar to PTSD (see this article: Autism and PTSD).
Having worked in mental health, this concept resonated with me immediately. Unfortunately, I somehow had the idea that this knowledge would make the experience a little easier. Nope.
Here's the stuff I'm talking about:
Symptoms of PTSD fall into three main categories:
1. Repeated "reliving" of the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity
• Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again
• Recurrent distressing memories of the event
• Repeated dreams of the event
• Physical reactions to situations that remind you of the traumatic event
2. Avoidance
• Emotional "numbing," or feeling as though you don’t care about anything
• Feelings of detachment
• Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
• Lack of interest in normal activities
• Less expression of moods
• Staying away from places, people, or objects that remind you of the event
• Sense of having no future
3. Arousal
• Difficulty concentrating
• Exaggerated response to things that startle you
• Excess awareness (hypervigilance)
• Irritability or outbursts of anger
• Sleeping difficulties
You also might feel a sense of guilt about the event (including "survivor guilt"), and the following symptoms, which are typical of anxiety, stress, and tension:
• Agitation, or excitability
• Dizziness
• Fainting
• Feeling your heart beat in your chest (palpitations)
• Paleness
I think that I've been holding out on the "acceptance thing" for a while, as Kai's multiple ediologies have shed different lights on his diagnoses. (I keep thinking that the effects of his orphanage neglect and trauma will gradually subside, which will bring forth improved functioning and behavior.) What has been incredibly difficult is the fact that we are never quite sure what facet of our kiddo we are dealing with. Expectations wax and wane. Always.
I'm tired and numb.
My mother has mentioned repeatedly how much more difficult it has become for me to "let go and enjoy" life. I'm constantly feeling the need to respond to my kiddo or engage my emotional barometer to determine if this time I can "let it go" or not. I regularly prepare for my son's meltdown mode while simultaneously trying to explain his behavior to folks who may not understand (Note: one of the hazards of having studied behavior academically is the ever-present analyzing that we try not to do!)
So...the other stuff on the PTSD list: Avoidance? check. Emotional numbing, detatchment, inability to remember stuff? check. Lack of interest in normal activities, less expression of moods, staying away from places, people, or objects that remind me that my kid is different, Sense of having no future? Check, check, check and check. YIKES! (sigh). Difficulty concentrating? check. Exaggerated startle response? check. Excess awareness, irritability, sleeping difficulties? Check, check, and check. (Note that I'm writing this at 3:00 am.). No dizziness, fainting or paleness, but definitely anxiety-related tightness in the chest at times.
Then throw in political schtick that is making things tough for families with kiddos with special needs.
Being a tough-minded person has always been helpful in getting through the hard times, but this stuff builds up (sigh again...). Awww...Drat.
